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Born into a single parent household, I never knew my father. My mother and my aunt lived together and raised their children together for a couple of years. My maternal grandmother also stayed with us for long periods of time and I developed an irreplaceable bond with her. Being born into a single parent family set the stage for decisions and lessons that would come to me throughout my life.
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My younger sister and I were born a year apart. Our birthdays are both in November with the Sun in Scorpio. Through her I learned the that the bond between sisters is akin to magic. Often we recited original poems and prayers together. One of my earliest memories is running with her in a wheat field, seemingly suspended in time. Later on when we entered grade school, I would have my first taste of competition as we strived to earn the affections of our mother through our academic performance.
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I was in kindergarten when I was fitted for my first hearing aids. At that point I still had some hearing. My mom had been punishing me because she thought I was ignoring her all the time. I have wandered in and out of deaf culture since. Sometimes I'm not accepted into certain hard of hearing or deaf groups because I don't sign, and I was educated in mainstream classes. It goes without saying that my hearing loss presents issues in the hearing world. This has impacted how I relate to others.
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I was 13 when my mom introduced me to Wicca. I was immediately drawn to the idea that we are all connected, to each other, and especially to Nature (Mother Earth, Gaia). I have always rejected institutional religion and Wicca gives me the space to be spiritual and practice rituals in honor of Life, Death, people, events, etc. What I like most about Wicca is that you can infuse its practice into your life in a way that makes sense to you, and only you.
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While at UMASS I discovered latin dancing and immediately fell in love. I was consumed by it. I happened to walk by a dance team practicing and I memorized the routine and tried out. I made the team "conditionally" and wasn't expected to be able to perform. I worked my butt off and they let me perform anyway. This photo is from our first performance. Dancing is freeing for me. I don't have listen to anyone talk, I don't have to read their lips, I just have to feel the music.
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Making the move from a big city college in Los Angeles to UMASS on the East coast was single biggest decision I made that propelled me into adulthood. Although UMASS is situated in rural Massachusetts, it offered opportunity and diversity in ways that I hadn't been exposed to in LA. My life was more or less contained on that campus for two years, but in that time I learned more about myself than I ever expected. I have a lot of pride in my alma mater.
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After graduating from UMASS I once again made a big move, this time further east and into the city of New York. It was a rude awakening. Although I was no stranger to big cities, I had been cocooned at UMASS for the past 2 years. The first few years of living in NYC were difficult, and I despised everything about it. Eventually though I did grow to love NY intensely and see it as my second home. This is where I spent 17 years of my life, and essentially where I became an adult.
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I think I always knew I'd one day find myself as a single parent. Just as my mother did. Some patterns are passed on. This is the year that my children's father and I separated. In the couple of years that followed I had the most brutal awakening, but it culminated in defining myself as a woman and as a mother.
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This was the year that I attended my first EDM rave at the Met Stadium in Queens. I have a special love of EDM (and techno, trance, etc) because there are very little words in the music. As a hard of hearing person I can enjoy the music much like everyone else...and just dance to the beat. No watching others sing along to the lyrics and feeling left out. There truly is an amazing electric energy felt when I'm dancing to EDM, whats more, I feel like I belong.
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Growing up bi-racial I never truly felt I was accepted by any one particular ethnic/racial group. It wasn't until recently that I begin to crave a deeper connection to my racial/cultural (PRE-colonialized!) heritage. Luckily platforms like Instagram make it easy to connect with others who are also searching and learning. Currently I am also making it a point to ask my mom a lot of questions about my grandfather and how he came to arrive in the States.
