Listen your heart by silvery lily

Listen to your heart (January 2012)

  • Meditating into the new year

    Meditating into the new year
    Southern California Vipassana CenterI left my family an hour before midnight so I can meditate into the new year. The picture is of S.N. Goenka, our Vipassana teacher. Entering the new year with a calm mind.
  • A new tradition

    A new tradition
    My best friend, Ryan, his wife, Evelyn, and I have agreed that we start a new tradition before the end of the year. Preferably on New Year's Eve we (and if they had children or I had a boyfriend/husband) would meet at Charlie Browns Farm. Small, intimate, and just us. I had Charlie's garlicky burger and garlic fries. UH-MAZE-ing.
  • Got a lil' sick

    Got a lil' sick
    Started the new year by eating leftovers from the previous night. There was nothing to do but eat. Somewhere in the midst of it all I got sick. My nose was running, itching, and I did not want to eat anything. I slept at 4pm, woke up at 6pm, went back to sleep at 9pm. Exhausted. My remedy? Gatorade. It works for me.
  • Back to the gym, I go!

    Back to the gym, I go!
    For the past year I have been going to the gym on and off. So I decided to start the new year strong and I did! I had so much energy and did really well until, after 10 reps of pull-ups and 10 reps of dips, I wanted to vomit. I know I'm financially broke, but 24 Hour Fitness is a necessity.
  • Waiting in line.

    Waiting in line.
    You know, back in the day when my mind was clear, I did smart things like schedule an appointment at the DMV, but no, not today. I waited for an hour in a line that only moved when people left the line. I even tried to read the first book of Harry Potter to kill time. Didn't work. LESSON: Try to schedule an appointment with the DMV before heading there.
  • Schnazzy new library card!

    Schnazzy new library card!
    I walked around the library for a good hour before I realized that I left my flimsy library card at home. I decided to purchase a $2 replacement and was pretty (and quite nerdily) excited about the new cards. They''re sturdy AND I got to pick 1 of 4 designs.
  • Awwww, friendship.

    Awwww, friendship.
    I have seen better days since I last spoke with my friend, Annie. I received an email in response to an email I sent her in late November today and instead of replying to her by email, I decided to call her. She says (and probably thinks) Vipassana makes me sound happy over the phone, but I think I was just happy just to hear from her again.
  • Dad's project

    Dad's project
    Last night I gave my Dad a project: Make a spice rack or box for me. Here's the end product. That man can get cratfy. He took an unused storage drawer and pretty much cut it up to shrink it down to size so it can fit in the cabinet. When/If I move out, this is going with me!
  • Boredom.

    Had a pretty productive day. Managed to get Mom's Handicap Placard, cleaned the room a bit, worked out, cooked. Busy, busy, busy. So when I have the time to just waste online, I spend it wisely. Though, really, I should be reading the books I borrowed from the library. My youngest niece (pictured), likes to attempt to bother me by taking random pictures of herself while I'm in it.
  • Me? Married?

    Me? Married?
    Of all things that I can think of tonight, I choose to reflect on my discussion with Auntie Jane about marriage. Though I have often denied or refused the thought of marriage, I would not mind it. She wants me to get married not for just myself but for my mother. She says that, from a mother's point of view, would love to live long enough to see her children married. My mother is ill. Though my mom says she doesn't want me to marry soon, does she really mean it? Is it really not for me?
  • Blissfully wasting time.

    Blissfully wasting time.
    I spent most of the day "pinning" things I like on Pinterest. I went to sleep late because I was pinning, and I even skipped meditation to pin stuff. I call it my Daydreamer's Addiction. There is so many things to like and dream of doing and I "pin" it all to my board.
  • Back-To-School Breakfast

    Back-To-School Breakfast
    I woke up at 4AM to start making my nieces and nephew's breakfast. Khaya (niece) and Jeriko (nephew) head back to school after a long winter break. i figured I should make them a good breakfast: rice, egg, sausage, and tater tots sprinkled with cheese. Yum!
  • Soup? For Dinner?

    Soup? For Dinner?
    By dinner time I wanted to use up the remaining celery, broccoli, and carrots in the fridge so I made a soup I found online. Thicker than planned but enough for my lunch for the next day. With that I grilled a cheese sandwich and added avocado. I cooked this for my mom and I, but of course, she only ate half and sandwich and a little bit of soup. I don't know if this means she doesn't like my cooking or she's being difficult...again.
  • Got lost.

    I headed to the gym today and after the gym I went to look for Hesperia Lake. I 'think' I found it, but I was curious where the road would lead me. I ended up on Arrowhead Lake Road, saw incredible views, and I discovered Silverwood Lake. I ended up connecting to the 15 freeway and I took the freeway back home. Good thing I was half tank!
  • Hanging out with Mom

    As you may or may not know, my mom is ill. There is this mass in her brain and my family really does not know what to do except simply working with her and keeping her happy. So, today, we went for a walk - from one mailbox to the next - and she went with me to buy her Spanish bread. It may not be much, but it made me happy, gave my dad a break, and hopefully made her smile.
  • Mom's Doctor Appointment

    I look forward to Mom's Doctor Appointments for two reasons: (1) Mom's Health and (2) The Doctor. Unfortunately I had to ask a question to my friends on Twitter: What does it mean when a male is wearing a ring on his right hand? MY CONCLUSION: Stay away from a guy wearing any kind of ring. In other news, mom's blood pressure and sugar are stable. To my mom this means she can eat doughnuts. :)
  • My Niece's Wit

    My Niece's Wit
    Today's workout was fantastic, and my meditation was indeed mediocre. But, the highlight of my day, my niece's wit. She knows I like "pinning things" on Pinterest and sometimes I am not allowed to "pin" things because I site will not allow it. I come across a picture of the ghosts from Super Mario Bros. made out of balloons.
    ME: Oh! Can I pin this?
    NIECE: NO! Because it will pop!
    (Laughter ensues)
  • Take Mongo for a walk.

    Take Mongo for a walk.
    Oh, this old dog. We had Mongo since 1997 (maybe earlier) and he is still walking around and kicking. He's a funny dog. Today, I just said to him, "Mongo, maybe we should go for a walk." And his response was as if he understood me. He started panting, wanting to go in the house, and he jumped on me. Mongo hasn't jumped like that in years! And so, I took him for a walk. Minutes after leaving our driveway, he started panting and stopped tugging on his leash. I love this dog.
  • I totally made this.

    I totally made this.
    Saturday morning. It's cold. I.AM.BORED. So I do the internet addiction thing/I'm BORED thing and find a DIY T-shirt Scarf. I completely get inspired and look through the shirts I was going to donate to the Salvation Army. Scored. And so, I made two t-shirt scarves. My niece, Khaya, thinks it's nice and my nephew, Jeriko, was wondering what I was doing in my room. I think it looks cool. :)
  • Cooking and food.

    So far, this month, I have been happy doing two things: (1) cooking and feeding my family and (2) just hanging out in my room with my nieces and nephew occasionally bugging me to keep me company. I keep my door open now, more often, to give them an opportunity to drop by. It doesn't bother me, I kinda' like it. I am trying to find FREE things to do oout here in the desert. That's not an easy task. Everything seems to cost something. So, I become a homemaker, and try to keep a home happy.
  • Getting ready to live.

    Getting ready to live.
    The best news I received today was that my Cardiologist will be writing me a letter stating that I am healthy enough to get back to work. I AM much better, able to do so much more than what I could in April 2011, and I am ready to go back to school and get back to work. Finances are much more important in my house now. No one is employed under this roof, NO ONE. I have to get stronger to face these tough times. Back to work will mean back to life, finishing school, and getting a real career.
  • I've seen better days...

    At first, the day started on task. I have my handy-dandy clipboard to help me stay on task starting at 5:30AM. As the day progressed, all was well, until I drove to my Cardiologist's office, waited for it to reopen from lunch break, only to find out he did not have my letter ready. Errr... My mistake though. Lesson learned: Call an office before you drive there to pick up something. Don't take anyone's word for it to be ready on time. Now, I have a headache.
  • Oh, those nurses.

    Oh, those nurses.
    I am thankful for the two nurses that worked together in ensuring my mom gets the care that she needs. Honestly, I'm used to the rejection letters and phone calls that my family just does what we can to make sure my mom moves around and is as happy as she can be. One is from Loma Linda, Carol, and the other is from Arrowhead, and they're working together to figure out what we can do for my mom.
  • Productive.

    I decided to dedicate today to many of tasks I needed to catch up with since I woke up late. I was dead tired...tired of cooking, cleaning, and watching over my parents. Thankfully, my brother, Destry, was able to balance and manage it all. He has his good and bad days, and thankfully today was his awesome day! Dad's not feeling well, so Destry does a lot of carrying him around. I managed to get lots done, which freed up time for some stretching.
  • Nurses helping mom.

    I have been exchanging phone calls with a Nurse who has gone out of her way to help my mother out. I have never met someone in this medical field YET who has given me a bit of hope about my mother's future. This nurse has given me that slight bit of hope. She's not giving up, I shouldn't either.
  • No restrictions!

    No restrictions!
    I waited so long for this letter to say two important words: "NO RESTRICTIONS." I spoke to my Cardiologist and though her is technically not my official Cardio Doctor, he has been my most trusted ally when it comes to matters of my heart. And so, I can return to work, with no restrictions, which helps if I want to return to the same district, the place that will hire me back.
  • "Can you help me edit my Thesis paper?"

    In-between dropping Khaya off at the mall and picking her up I decided work on my paperwork at Starbucks. Shortly after settling, a woman appraoches me to help her understand a paragraph she just read. Before this, she gave me her back story of her life: from Bangledesh, 2nd language learner, earning her MA in Poli Sci. The next thing I know, I agreed to help her with her 150pg Thesis. She's offering to pay, I say free for the 1st session. If I help, pay me. BUT, I am doubting my ability.
  • Making signs

    Making signs
    Ok, so the little things make me happy, like designing this sign for the dishwasher. It took a little science and math, but yeah, made this sign with paper, a cute computer font, and used packaging tape to laminate. Is this what my life has become? Yeah, pretty much. It's a reversible sign. The otherside says, "DIRTY DISHES...dishwasher will be turned on soon."
  • Cleaned most of my chaos.

    I am forever cleaning my room, but today was some real progress. The table/desk is spacious and more organized and I am close to getting rid of lots of paperwork I do not need. I have been trying to keep myself productive before I return to the workforce. MOTHER UPDATE: She may be walking she may be talking, but these hallucinations of hers is getting worse.
  • Less internet, more reading.

    I decided to read more this year. Less internet, more reading and studying. I decided to indulge myself in reading because I just do not have anything to offer to Facebook. I decided to read books that I should have read in high school and books I would end up teaching in school. Tonight I finished Alice Walker's "The Color Purple." Fascinating book. Strong characters. I like the character, Sofia, she's a badass. Forgiveness. Faith. Love. Hate. Strong.
  • My phone is dead.

    My phone is dead.
    I did not pay ATT for the past three months, so they decided to kill (ok, suspend) my phone service. It's like my phone is in a coma and ATT is holding its soul hostage until I pay my dues. Frankly, I am okay with not having a phone. I am not okay with the fees I will owe. Nor am I okay with the fact that I could missing very important phone calls. I had a responsibility, now suffer the consequence. I know, I know.
  • Re-Arranged the kitchen

    I learned a few things here and there about organizing while working in the education field, and those lessons can be applied to my own household. I re-arranged the items in my parents' kitchen and labeled the cabinets until my nieces and nephews understand where everything is located. The last thing I want is for the kids to misplace things because they "don't know where everything is at because you moved it around." Excuses, excuses.
  • I am back in the classroom!

    I am back in the classroom!
    Good news! I called my previous employer to inform them that I am ready to go back to work. Though they are not currently hiring, and I need to re-apply, an exception was made to hire me anyway. Not to toot my own horn, but she said she has been getting requests for me which makes me a more valuable asset. I just have to turn in my paperwork and I can start in February. Yayyeee!
  • Getting the heart pumping.

    Getting the heart pumping.
    Physically, I have been feeling down and out lately, and so today, I decided to kick my ass into gear. I took Mongo out for a walk again (since it was a nice day), and we walked farther than we did in previous walks. In addition, I headed to the gym and managed a good 30min of the Elliptical and worked on the arms. I felt UH-mazing! Now, to continue to get my ass into gear...
  • Friday Night: Just reading

    Now that I am financial broke and jobless, my Friday nights comes down to being the family chauffer or babysitter, but all the kids went out, having a social life, and I am enjoying the silence and going to continue reading my book. I borrowed two books. Hopefully I complete both by the time they are due.
  • Auntie Duties

    Homemaker shtuff seems to keep me happy, keeps me busy, especially my family. I like to cook for them, keep things tidy, and occasionally drive the kids around. I get a kick out of it, but I am just a daughter, sister, and aunt. Sure, I can do part-time parental duties, but I sure don't want to do it full-time. Thankfully I can get work next month!
  • Perfected the hummus and pita chips.

    As I mentioned before, the little things make me happy. So today, on my friend, Annie's birthday, I perfected my hummus creation and the baking of pita chips. It's what I had for breakfast (after yelling at my nephew for his lack of washing his own dishes). :)
  • Working out and Hunger Games

    Working out and Hunger Games
    Though the gym was SERIOUSLY crowded this morning, my iPod didn't work, AND I forgot my towel, I STILL managed to have a good workout. As I type this my thigh area is in pain. This is a good thing after exercising. :) My best friend, Steph, mailed me a package I received today. It's a copy of the Suzanne Collins' "Hunger Games." Jeriko read the trilogy and he highly recommends it. Must be THAT good from the nephew who doesn't like his English class. In the picture are her own library labels.
  • Hey, good looking, whatcha got cooking?

    Made a good pasta dish today. Baked it too! I'm tired of frying foods. For one, it's not good for you and secondly, it's tiring. So I made a baked lasagna. Lasagna ingredients, but with spiral noodles. Easier to eat, more fulfilling. Lots of cheese. LOTS! Mom liked it, and she's been picky about her food lately!
  • He FINALLY proposed!

    He FINALLY proposed!
    So my best friend Stephanie has been in love and in a relationship with the same dude for...well, a long time, and for their something-year anniversary they took off to Vegas where HE proposed to her. Guess how I found out? Through Twitter. Whuh?! This is the consequence I must face when I do not have a phone. But, SO happy for Stephanie and Francis!
  • It's all in Mom's head.

    It's all in Mom's head.
    Day by day. At today's doctor's appointment we were pretty much told, upfront, that there is a mass tumor on her brain, all these other lesions, and that the radiation/gamma knife would be a serious risk. Nothing new, really, but we heard it enough times to realize there is not much we can do. That large mass on top of her brain stem is the major problem. Mom and Dad agreed no surgery and to stick with the medication. Medication won't cure, surgery is not an option.