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Birth
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3.3: Fluctuating Self
This is applicable to my entire life. As a Christian, I have three basic selves: my sin self (flesh), what I am, and my ideal self (Christ). I fight between what I want (flesh) and what i should be, and am constantly rejecting the self I am now. Now is never good enough; I must continuously become more like Christ.. This creates a lot of guilt, self-condemnation, self-indulgence, and self-denial. When I self-deny, I feel better about myself. -
2.2: Niche-picking
Was introduced to Deaf culture, attended a Deaf church. This environment was good for me, because I was severely depressed due to my hearing loss (late deafened). I immersed myself into the church and deaf environment, so selecting this atmosphere probably influenced the way my depression gene worked, which is a phenotype (secondary genetic expression) of my genotype (genetic makeup). Actively selecting to go to church is an example of active genotype correlations. -
3.1: Personal Fable
I felt this all through my childhood and adolescence--no specific date--but I felt like as the only deaf person in school, that no one could understand the depth and breadth of my loneliness. I knew there were others who were lonely, but I felt they didn't know it as badly as I did--they at least had access to someone they could talk to in their own languge 24/7. I couldn't. Formal operational thought would have found a way around my language barrier and made friends anyway. -
4.2: Non-gender typed behavior
I took a music class in middle school and thoroughly enjoyed it. Peers let me know that I was wildly off pitch, but my teacher was kind to me. He understood that what I heard did not reflect reality, and he placed me in the Soprano group because that was the closest I was to accuracy. He also made me feel very comfortable trying out for solo pieces. He made sure I was treated just like the hearings, and that really made me feel good. Males are not known for their gentleness, but 4 toughness -
4.1: Gender Tpyed Behavior
My sharpest memory was of a girl who stood next to me in gym class. I didn't have my interpreter with me that day, so I had to fend for myself to understand the coach's instructions. The more often I asked her questions, the more annoyed she would get. I remember running into her and she called me a bitch or stupid or something. While I understand that this is discrimination, I feel she was also engaging in relational harassment. I was NOT welcome to ask for help, and I was not her equal. -
1.1 Entering Adolescence
Had my first period here, but already felt like an adolescent by then. I started shaving and was out of training bras then, which made me feel like I was grown up. It wasn't until I was 16 that I was a full blown adolescent. All of my childhood and adolescence I was severely depressed (but didn't know it at the time), so I didn't have the normal mood swings/teenage "know it all"-ness. During my adolescence I felt stuck between chidhood and adulthood. -
2.1: Typical Maturer
14 years old, first period (menarche). Was never discussed with peers. I think while I had really good self control (ie, frontal lobe/prefrontal cortex mastery), I felt like my emotions were extremely intense (amygalda). While I had a typical physicl development, neurologically I may have experienced opposite. No storm and stress. Were not for my religion, would have had a completely dif. experience, ie more risk taking, sexual behavior, -
3.2: Self Conciousness
Textbook: "...they do not always develop their self-understanding in social isolation." (Santrock, 2012) Entire adolescence was in social isolation except on Sundays. My only self-understanding was that I was lonely and frustrated with social status. Diaries from teen years are full of this lament. Sundays I was able to explore the Deaf identity and acquire ASL skills, but because it was church, it wasn't an opportunity to self-reflect--attention was directed on God and the Bible. -
1.2 Entering Adulthood
Moved out of my parents house. This made me feel like an adult. Held down a steady job as an interpreter in the local school system and was paying my own bills, maintaining my own apartment, and making decisions for myself without having to request permsision from parents for the first time. I felt very independent. Was also attending local comm. college and breaking rules that mom and dad would have set for me if they were living in my apartment (like having boys over).