Loss Timeline

By nzylstra

  • Birth

  • New nanny (age 8)

    Up until age 8, I went to the same day care provider during the day when my mom worked. The day care provider's daughter was a year older than me and my best friend at the time. The summer after second grade, my mom decided to hire a nanny to come to our home during the day, which meant I would not get to spend every day of the summer with my best friend.

  • Death of childhood dog (age 9)

    My family's dog, Ashley, died. My dad took her to the vet and had her put down, as she was not aging well. I don't remember her well, but my first word was "Ash," so she must have been an important part of my early childhood.

  • Death of maternal grandfather (age 10)

    My maternal grandfather, Dale Hansen, died after a years-long battle with bone cancer. He had cancer during every memory I have of him, so the disease also took my opportunity to know him as a healthy man.
  • Period: to

    High School

  • Loss of a teammate to suicide (age 16)

    My sophomore year of high school, one of my cross-county teammates committed suicide.

  • Fired from first job (age 17)

    I worked at a pharmacy for several months in high school, but was fired after the pharmacist didn't want to work with me because I had not been properly trained.

  • Decision to attend the University of Iowa (age 17)

    All my life I had dreamed of attending a prestigious university (I toured Stanford with my aunt and uncle when I was just 15) but decided to forgo that dream so I could attend a more affordable state school that was closer to my family.

  • High School Graduation (Age 18)

    When I graduated from high school, I became acutely aware that the relationships I formed and the things I accomplished during high school were ending, and I was about to embark on a new journey. It was the first time I felt like an adult, and although I was still financially dependant on my parents, I also lost some of my dependence on them.
  • Period: to

    College- University of Iowa

  • Loss of Liz's friendship (age 21)

    My best friend ended our 7 year friendship because I did not like her boyfriend. She also was successful in cutting me out of the lives of all our mutual friends but one.

  • Death of childhood dog (age 21)

    My family's dog, Sandy, died of old age in my family's backyard. She had been a loyal member of the family for twelve years, and is buried in my family's backyard.

  • Loss of my great-grandmother's wedding band (age 21)

    I wore my great-grandmother's wedding band on my thumb for several years, until it fell off my thumb in my best friend's car. We looked for almost half an hour but could not find it. I never knew my great-grandmother, but wearing it made me feel close to my family.

  • Best friends graduated from college- Age 21

    My best friends in college were a year older than I was, and when they graduated, each of them moved to a different state. I was left alone in Iowa. This made the losses that were to come even more difficult.

  • Death of maternal uncle (age 21)

    While doing chores on his farm, my uncle, Mark Hansen, collapsed. He died five days later after being on a ventilator in the ICU in Souix City, Iowa. My uncle was not married and did not have any children. He always treated my siblings as I as if we were his children, so losing him was more difficult than it would have been to lose other uncles.

  • Death of paternal grandfather (age 22)

    My grandfather, Percy Zylstra, died on his way to the bathroom shortly after waking up in the morning to do chores. At my mother's request, my immediate family did not to spend Thanksgiving with my father's side of the family that year, so I also lost the opportunity to see him five days before his death.

  • College graduation (age 21)

    Although my senior year of college was not the senior year I had dreamed of, graduating marked the end of an important time period of my life. I identified strongly as a student at Iowa, and graduating meant the end of this part of my identity.

  • End of relationship with James (age 22)

    James was a summer romance I had the summer after college. Although it was brief, he was the first person I saw myself with long-term, and it was difficult when he broke up with me one week before I moved to Chicago.
  • Period: to

    Graduate School- Loyola University Chicago

  • Death of maternal grandmother (age 23)

    My grandmother, Gloria Hansen, died unexpectedly in her home. She was the last surviving member of my mother's immediate family, apart from my mother.

  • Loss of a possible relationship with Ruffin (age 24)

    Ruffin is one of my best friends, and there were several times we almost started a relationship. About a month ago, I realized I still had feelings for him, and was able to talk to him about these feelings. He told me that he did not share those feelings for me anymore, and I finally realized I needed to move on. We have still maintained a friendship.