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My mother was holding me in a Vo-Tech cafeteria awaiting my father to finish a class when I aspirated a piece of candy which completely occluded my airway. My mother panicked as I turned blue from hypoxia; however, a guy standing nearby grabbed me, held me upside down, and slapped me on the back thereby dislodging the obstruction. I vaguely remember the event...particularly the being held upside down.
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My father worked long hours upon graduating Vo-Tech.
My mother would leave me places for hours at a time (i.e., movie theater, library) and would often forget to pick me up at school. I would be awakened at night to the sound of my parents fighting because my mother had gone out with friends and returned late in the night intoxicated. My father would often wake me up at night and take me to look for my mother. I remember giving things to my mother in hopes of gaining favor. -
I gradually became aware that what my parents termed "imaginary friends" were not actually imaginary. My guardian spirit kept me safe and taught me various things while I was alone. With regard to protection, "feedback" would be provided when my mother's verbal or physical discipline exceeded a certain threshold. This feedback was typically in the form of "rearranging" the house. I also had sanctuary in the backyard while my Doberman Pinscher, Caesar, stood watch over me.
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As I was able to read very well at a relatively young age, my mother would drop me off at the public library with a sack lunch in the morning and pick me up late in the afternoon prior to my father returning from work. I was constantly herded by the librarians back to the children's section of the library until my mother instructed them to allow me to read whatever I wished. I devoured shelves of books concerning witchcraft, magick, and various mythologies.
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My father decided that he was leaving and divorcing my mother. Unbeknownst to my mother, he asked me where I wanted to stay and I chose to go with him. He acted as if he was going on a service call and I was to ask to ride along. My mother remained home as it was my birthday and she was making a cake. My birthday parties only involved my parents so no one was coming. We left and went to my paternal grandparents in Dierks, Arkansas.
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My father eventually remarried and, following pleading by myself and my grandparents, I was allowed to remain in Dierks with my maternal grandmother. My uncle-by-marriage was/is a Southern Baptist minister and thus was favored beyond words by my grandmother. He was largely itinerant but not of his own choice. He showed me how he utilized music and words to generate the most lucrative "love offerings." It never failed to amaze me what he professed "God" told him to do.
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Although my father was typically the one to mete out physical punishment, it was usually at the behest of my mother prior to their separation. Initially following the separation, my father and I were very close; however, it became apparent that having a teenage son was not particularly conducive to dating multiple women. One Friday after school I was in the car with my father and his girlfriend. I voiced my displeasure about going to spend yet another weekend at his girlfriend's house.
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We made a pitstop by the trailer where we lived and my father had me go with him inside while his girlfriend waited in the car. I was made to stand with my hands on the arm of the sofa in the living room while he struck me with his belt along the back, buttocks, and thighs. I made a solemn vow to myself that I would not cry and I didn't. After a long period of time, my father became fatigued and stated that he would punish me in another fashion.
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I excelled in my premedical studies and gradually forsook my "lifelong imaginary friend" and my beliefs/interests. It didn't happen overnight but was rather a gradual process. As I mastered physics, organic chemistry, and calculus, I gradually convinced myself that perhaps I had imagined many things and misattributed others which were the result of "chance." I sought to be "normal" with a wife and children. I'm ashamed of this period in my life but I've come full circle.
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In the late summer of 1994, my father's vehicle was struck from behind by a log truck and burst into flames. As it was a very small population, someone came and informed me at my grandmother's trailer. I raced to the scene but my father had already been airlifted to a hospital in Texarkana, AR. I traveled to the ED and was asked to come back and speak to my father as he was "fighting the respirator." My father's injuries involved third-degree burns to greater than 75% of his body.
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Upon being stabilized, my father was transported via helicopter to the burn unit at Arkansas Children's Hospital in Little Rock. It was my father's accident and subsequent death from burn-related sepsis that caused me to decide to become a physician. In fact, I spent part of my research year in medical school treating burns at the same burn ward with the same physicians and nurses who had treated my father.
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During this time, I "collected" children. Matthew in Arkansas, James in New York, and Kathryn in Virginia. There are no words to express the emotions associated with having children, particularly the first one when you wished an instruction manual was provided. Throughout this time, I continued reading esoteric materials; however, I lived as a mundane scientist. In hindsight, the aid that I was provided throughout this time despite my "Prodigal Son" behavior is quite humbling and shameful.
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Although my mother had been diagnosed with laryngeal cancer a few years prior, she had undergone surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy and seemed to be cancer-free. Unbeknownst to me, metastases were discovered during my second year of medical school. I was called to a nearby hospital by my stepfather one evening to discover my mother in the emergency department with a literal appearance of skin and bones.
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My mother had sworn my younger brother and stepfather to secrecy concerning the severity of her condition as she did not want to jeopardize my medical training. My younger brother was a young teenager at the time who felt that I could fix anything but I could not save our mother. I was placed in charge of the decisions regarding the aggressiveness of care; however, upon reviewing her labs, I knew that she wouldn't survive the night. My brother and I held her hand as she passed away.
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Although initially one of my best Fellow trainees, Nikki gradually became a close platonic friend. Upon my separation, she provided me and my children with a place to stay while helping us find a house to rent. Upon becoming an Assistant Chief Medical Examiner, she was a colleague at the office and a close friend. Over time, we began dating and are now engaged. Nikki has made innumerable sacrifices throughout my divorce proceedings and supported me during some of the darkest times of my life.
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Although many factors contributed to my separation, foremost was a disagreement in the method whereby we disciplined our sons. My ex-wife's response to disobedience was the yelling of obscenities and physical discipline despite my warnings that the boys would eventually exceed her size and strength. My sons, particularly James, responded in kind upon reaching puberty with me having to physically separate the two of them from punching one another.
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Although my sons initially stayed with me, my ex-wife managed to convince the judge to grant her full custody of all three children. I still remember vividly the judge admonishing her not to spit on the children and then granting her full custody. I feel that the "exposure" of my Pagan practices by my ex-wife's attorney played a role in the judge's decision. Although my wife never actually practiced Christianity outside of her time in the church building, she professed such in court.
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As Assistant Chief Medical Examiner, I was being prepared to eventually apply for the position of Chief upon the retirement of the current Chief. Consequently, over a two to three year period, an ever-increasing proportion of my job duties were political rather than medical. Despite warning my superiors of unethical practices, egregious practices continued and I received various penalties for "rocking the boat." I posted a YouTube video exposing the practices and vacated my position on July 1.
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While in Richmond VA, James participated in gang activities including robbery and drug distribution. Upon his mother charging him with domestic violence and felony use of her credit cards, he received a plea bargain wherein he would reside with me and start with a "clean slate." Although he initially did well in PA, he quickly spiraled into constant school suspensions for violence and several police-involved incidents. Despite weekly counseling and my own pleading, the situation only worsened.
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Beyond daily repetitive marijuana use, James would take our vehicles and crashed Nikki's truck. Money and other valuables would turn up missing regularly and he began exhibiting increasing anger and aggression towards Nikki. As I had no control of him whatsoever, I had no choice but to have him placed in a residential juvenile facility. In return for his perceived slight, James accused me of physically abusing him and an investigation was opened but eventually ruled "unfounded."