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My mom smoked cigarettes, so I ended up being about 4 weeks early and a low birth weight baby. I came in at 5 pounds, 3 ounces, and 18 inches long. I also had feet that were out-turned, so later I needed braces on my shoes to straighten my legs out. My cognitive development as a fetus was normal, no syndromes or conditions and I had no real psychosocial development in the womb.
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Although born premature, I grew up in a middle class home with a stay at home mom who fed me well and took good care of me. I grew normally and walked at 1 year of age. However, I had to wear braces on my shoes in order to straighten out my legs and feet. My language development was on time and age appropriate and I had healthy attachments to my parents and older siblings.
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During this time, I shared a room with my two brothers and we all got along and we were still a middle class family with a typical life. However, it was apparent, in retrospect, that my parents were not happy together...and although I was healthy and growing appropriately, their fighting was affecting me. My feet and legs had straightened out pretty well and I played and ran like all kids, but I can't sit with my legs crossed "Indian style" for more than 5 minutes...it still hurts.
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My parents got divorced during this time and we were no longer really middle class...we never had enough food in the house, we were on free lunch at school, and I was frequently hungry. My learning and cognitive levels were high. During this time I was measured with an IQ of 149. My behavior took a nose dive...I fought alot in school, was a class clown, and became very unhappy at home with my mom and older brother, who became abusive. I even ran away from home.
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Puberty hit early, grew pubic hair in elementary, started shaving at age 12. This made it awkward, because I was the only kid in my grade who looked like a man! Of course...this led to my first "real" kiss when I was 13...Jackie Eastman was her name. Also had sex for the first time when I was 15. At this time I was in a "TAG" class and taking Algebra in 8th grade. It was also a time of great stress. I had acne as a teen and it affected my self confidence and self esteem.
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College was crazy! Lots of drinking and sex... I also played college football and was very fit and athletic. Took a class called Self and Society...it helped me develop more of a world view, along with my exposure to foreign students...one was the first girl I fell in love with(Flory from Costa Rica). We never had sex...but we had such an intimate relationship for a year, then she went back home. We are still friends...20 years later. I also voted the first time (Bush)... 4 years later Clinton.
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At 41, been married,divorced, no kids, a few gray hairs, and a few extra pounds...my body is starting to betray me, but I insist on playing sports like I'm 21. When will I learn? I have become a very critical thinker and an exceptional problem solver...no choice, I've faced many problems up to this point in my life. I have a great relationship with my brother and his family(saw my nephew birthed), little contact with the rest. Disappointing,but I have good friends.
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After a life of perpetual struggle and dreams unfulfilled, I will look back on my life and know several very real things. I made a difference in many kids' lives as a teacher. As a nurse/nurse practitioner, I will know that I have helped many people live healthier, more satisfying lives. As a brother, I have supported my brother and his family and enjoyed a lifetime of friendship with them. As an uncle and Godfather, I will have taught my niece and nephew how to be good people.
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I fear I will die a lonely and disappointed man. I don't feel I will grow old and die with dignity and grace. I am very disappointed with my life, many failures and dead ends. I will take solace in the good things, but there have been so many opportunities missed or lost. Few people will attend my funeral, as I have no children, wife, or many family members that I connect with.