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We were the only Jews in our town.
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My mother took my brother Joel and me forty miles every Sunday to have private lessons with the rabbi in Grand Forks, ND after our parents were alarmed to find out that all we knew about being Jewish was it was something we were that no one else was.
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We moved to West Hartford Connecticut when I was 7 and joined Emanuel Synagogue. I went to three times a week Hebrew school through high school, along with adult ed as I got older.
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It really went on over a period of months, but there doesn't seem to be a way to reflect that. Details of why this was so significant to me will be written in the comment thread.
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Girls were not allowed to read Torah. We had our bat mitzvah on Friday nights - two girls each Friday. I received a siddur much like this one as a gift. Girls had to give a talk when bat mitzvahed, but it could be anything from "I want to thank my mommy and daddy for this lovely day" to whatever. My bat mitzvah partner thanked her parents. I gave a lecture entitled "Textual Clues to Multiple Authorship in the Book of Isaiah." My rabbi encouraged me in this folly.
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I went to college in Montreal, at McGill University. I tried different shuls, took Hebrew, did some stuff with Hillel.
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Coming out is a process and you're never truly done. But in the course of that year I came out to myself, embarked on a relationship that lasted over 25 years and resulted in three children, and came out to my parents and was disowned by them.
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Coming out in 1975 meant losing my family and Jewish community.
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I concluded there was no place in Judaism for me. I still identified ethnically as Jewish but rejected religious Judaism after having been rejected.
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With the birth of my son Doran, my partner and I became very immersed in lesbian and gay parenting culture and community. But I found myself wanting to pass on some of Jewish tradition to him.
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Was it possible? Even with a non-Jewish partner? The gay synagogue movement was growing. I lived in NYC.
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At CBST we were accepted as a couple and they had lots of intermarried couples. What they didn't have was families with children or a Hebrew School.
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Brooklyn's Park Slope Jewish Center was a mainstream Conservative synagogue that was accepting of lesbian and gay congregants. We joined and the kids all went to Hebrew School there and all had their bnai mitzvah there.
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When my children's other mother and I broke up, we did not have the legal and social supports couples whose marriages are legally recognized have. I was grateful for the support of my shul community, but Jewish practice became an issue for us in divorce that it wasn't in marriage. As I became more involved and engaged Jewishly and so did the kids, it was a source of conflict.
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Over time I became more involved in my shul community and in Jewish education. By this date I was running the Adult Ed program, continuing my education, writing/editing weekly and monthly newsletters and had served on the board and as chair of the Hebrew School committee.
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I meet Amy Loewenthal online. She says she was first attracted to my answer to one of the stock questions (Q: What would you typically be doing on a Friday night? A: Having Shabbat dinner with friends. Maybe someday you'll join us.) She is a rabbinical student at RRC in Philadelphia. I live in Brooklyn and she comes there to meet me. Our first date is at my shul: Torah study followed by services. Our second date is Friday night services followed by Shabbat dinner with me and my friends
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By the time Amy graduates we are a couple. She moves to Keene NH to take up a pulpit there and I am there part time: Jewish holidays plus two weekends a month. I function as the part-time rebbitzen of Congregation Ahavas Achim.
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We commit to a life together and get civilly married on this day, while planning our Jewish wedding for September. We don't know at that point when we'll be able to live together, but we are committed to making a home together and to together increasing our Jewish practice and learning.
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I move to NH to live with Amy full time and to begin a master's program at Hebrew College.
