The entirety of recorded history

  • Black Dynamite enters the world

    On this day, I, Black Dynamite, entered this world, saying, "I, Black Dynamite, enter the world."
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    The infancy and trust issues of Black Dynamite

    Between these exact dates, not a day more, not a day less, Black Dynamite encounters the plebeians that are known as "people." Black Dynamite will decide whether or not Black Dynamite will place his trust in these filthy creatures.
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    The toddlerhood and doubt of Black Dynamite

    Between the dates of April 18th, 1998 and April 18th, 1999, I, Black Dynamite, perform various actions based on my own, newfound free will. According to the filthy plebeians, however, Black Dynamite cannot actually be a flying dump truck, on the grounds that dump trucks supposedly do not fly, nor can one actually be a dump truck.
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    The preschoolership and guilt of Black Dynamite

    After skipping the entire second year of his life, I Black Dynamite, enter the pre-school. While the other filthy creatures feel guilty after not sharing their fingerpaints, I, Black Dynamite, do not, for I am building a monopoly and those casuals better know their place.
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    The Elementary Schoolship and competence of Black Dynamite

    Ignoring the standard, agreed-upon, public school system, I, Black Dynamite, remain in the Elementary School stage until turning thirteen. From there, I develop the realization that my level of competence is greater than all, including that of the false hero, Chocolate Thunder.
  • Black Dynamite enters the middle school

    Somewhere around this day, the specifics of which has been lost to time, I, Black Dynamite, enter the middle school, beginning the greatest identity crisis in the Entirety of Recorded History.
  • Black Dynamite enters the middle school 2: electric boogaloo

    Somewhere around this day, the specifics of which has been lost to time, I, Black Dynamite, enter the middle school for a second time.
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    The Adolescence and identity of Black Dynamite

    During these years, I, Black Dynamite, go through an identity crisis on a galactic scale, being referred to by various alter egos such as Quan'tavion Ramirez, Wholedtha Dogzowt, Pope John Paul the third, Pope Reptilia the single, Freddie Mercury, the Heater, and Keego Gross.
  • Black Dynamite enters the high school

    Around this point in time, I, Black Dynamite, enter the high school, beginning a string of rather poor life choices.
  • Black Dynamite exits the high school

    Actually, this led to a pretty dark year, so we'll pretend that it didn't happen. At least the date is right this time...?
  • Black Dynamite enters the high school part 2: the administration strikes back

    On this day, I, Black Dynamite, allowed the high school to allow me to continue attending... the high school.
  • Black Dynamite exits the high school 2: exit harder

    On this day, I, Black Dynamite, graduate from the high school a changed man. One that can now say, "Look at me. I, Black Dynamite, graduated from the high school."
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    The Young Adulthood and intimacy of Black Dynamite

    For 20 years, I, Black Dynamite, struggle with the concept of love and intimacy. It takes 20 years to the letter for me, Black Dynamite, to understand my moral obligation when it comes to romantic love.
  • Black Dynamite sets foot on Jupiter

    On this earthly day, I, Black Dynamite, become the first person to set foot on our solar system's resident gas giant, Jupiter.
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    The Middle Adulthood and generativity of Black Dynamite

    After 20 years of careful thought, I eventually conclude that, as Black Dynamite, which is I, Black Dynamite, I cannot allow myself to focus my love and affection on one person, because that person may subsequently explode into happiness and rainbows. I instead, must love the whole world and everyone in it. But just as friends, ya know? A real, "how-de-doodly, neighbor?" kind of thing.
  • Black Dynamite conquers world hunger

    On this day in the future, I, Black Dynamite, out of my strictly platonic love for all people, turn the moon into cheese, as well as add an 's' to a word, making them "arid desserts" and "dessert islands".
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    The Late Adulthood, senility, and wisdom of Black Dynamite

    Upon looking back on the life of Black Dynamite, I, Black Dynamite, bring a glimmer of happiness to my eyes, as I see that I have loved the world, and became the legend that is Black Dynamite. Also, those damn kids keep getting on my lawn. But, I, Black Dynamite, digress. The tale of my various valient conquests is... wow, I'm tired. What time is it? 3:30? Oh geez, it's almost time for me to head to the shuffleboarding championships. Or was it time to nap? I guess I'll just do both.
  • Black Dynamite, transcends into the ethereal.

    After beating Death at rock-paper-scizzors, I, Black Dynamite, transcend the mortal plane of exsistence and become everything that ever is, was, and will be. The Endless Circle of Life has come to an end. So goes the tale, of Black Dynamite.