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DOB . . .
I was the 8th of 9 children born to the union of my biological father and mother. I was 'born a poor black child" - Steve Martin, The Jerk. From a culture perspective my family was like many other black families in our neighborhood; multiple, multiple, multiple kids; and most often stair cased in birth. The oldest in my family is only nine years older than I am. We were born on an average of 18 months apart. My father being from the South didn't see anything wrong with that. -
DOD . . .
I was four, when my mother died. She passed during surgery after my younger sister was born. From a cultural perspective, our family acted like a normal black family; they didn't talk about it. And my younger sister given to my Aunt to be raised. Our family suffered a major tragedy and instead of talking about it and getting help; my family stood still and quiet. Coping with the loss within the community, not trusting others to come in and help us or my father. What a mistake that was. -
Early Family Life . . .
I have a hard time remembering things from the time of my mother's death up to the time my father remarried. A span of about three years. My father, being a typical man of color from the South, "needed a wife" to take care of his kids. He worked a lot and was a provider, not a nurturer; and he had his needs. So, enters step-mother #1, culturally speaking, looking for a good man/provider. And in the fashion that has been the black culture looked into sending all 8 of us to a Children's Home. -
The Neighborhood . . .
We lived in an isolated predominately all-black neighborhood, across the tracks in a predominately all-white township. The Lotment as it was and is still called today has three dead end streets that connect. There were two all-black churches and a small store and lots of people of color who were related to each other in some way of the other. It was a great place to be a boy, riding bikes, throwing rocks, climbing trees and playing sports, especially baseball. -
Sports . . .
I didn't know it, but sports were a way out for me. They played a huge role in the neighborhood and in my development. Through sports our culture rose in standing in the predominately all-white township. Our little corner of the world became know for the athletes that came from our neighborhood. Through playing sports we gained more acceptance in our township and my family was the focal point of it all. And eventually, I became the focal point of it all being the youngest. -
School & Church . . .
The two biggest influences in my life when it comes to cultural roots are my school years, mostly Jr. High years to graduation and the time I spent in Church. Growing up in a big family and having an active neighborhood doesn't mean that you will have close ties. Since my mother died, all I felt from my relatives was empty words. So in school and Church, I learned the majority of what was and was not culturally acceptable. I excelled in both environments and both were mostly white. -
Relationships . . .
Relationships were a major cultural influence in my life. 1. Because I dated "interracially" in a predominately white area, and 2. Because I was so bad at it, being the youngest and no nurturing. My family was fine with my dating, my Church was not; my school didn't say anything; nor my peers. But my father did tell me to "watch myself because "they" don't like it." To this day, he still believes my relationships are the reasons why I did not win MVP awards in my senior year of high school. -
Marriage . . .
Marriage was a big cultural influence in my life. Although my family grew up in a white township and knew that I and my siblings, cousins and friends dated interracially, would have preferred that I married someone black. My Dad, Aunts and Uncles all being from the South did so, but now their children were not. I even "broke" with the churches wishes and married a Caucasian women. My father was okay with it and offered his house for the nuptials, my Pastor tried to talk me out of it. -
Children . . .
We have five children. From a cultural stand point we have had to work hard to not let either culture dominate the other. As we worked hard to raise them as people, not black or white people, but just people, we had some, mother-in-law, try to influence dress, schooling and names. We came up with what we called "Biblically bi-racial names." Or more simply put, names that when you heard them, you would not know if they were black or white, but you would know that they were Christian. -
Tradition & Legacy . . .
Leaving a lasting legacy that is grounded in solid traditions is of high importance. We have built something that we want it to remain. We have created a culture, unlike mine, in that we embrace, kiss, speak kind words and celebrate everything and support each other. Holidays are a big deal, laced with tradition and warmth. Our children call us "Mom and Dad" and not by our first names; and they speak to adults with great respect and call them by their proper titles. This is a must.
