Firepants Family Mattress Acquisitions By mystreelady Aug 1, 2011 Cap'n Firepants complains because he keeps rolling into the pit in the middle of their matrimonial mattress May 1, 2012 Mrs. Cap'n Firepants freaks out b/c she sees a mattress commercial detailing what happens to your mattress after 8 years. Period: May 1, 2012 to Aug 2, 2012 Mattress Purchases May 20, 2012 Cap'n and Mrs. Firepants finally agree and purchase a new mattress. May 22, 2012 The new matrimonial mattress is delivered. It smells like a shower in a high school locker room. Jun 20, 2012 Mrs. Cap'n Firepants finally convinces the Cap'n to exchange the stinky mattress. This model is discontinued, so they agree to get this year's new version. Jun 23, 2012 The new matrimonial mattress (#3) is delivered. Jun 24, 2012 Cap'n Firepants does not like #3. It is "killing him". But he will not let Mrs. Firepants call to exchange. He somehow thinks the mattress is going to get firmer if given time. Jul 20, 2012 Cap'n Firepants finally relents and lets Mrs. Cap'n Firepants order #4 - which is the same model as #2, but hopefully will not smell Jul 27, 2012 Cap'n Firepants hangs up on the delivery people. Jul 30, 2012 The delivery people bring Matrimonial Mattress #4.