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Anxiety/Depression and Sleep Issues
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Lily was very angry, she made a list of things she is angry about after I asked her what was wrong. She had never been shut down like this before. I was really worried and trying to talk to her about what was going on. See text with Rex
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Spousal Maintenance was based on the cost insurance since I am self employed and Rex said he would make sure I had insurance since I had been diagnosed with Sjogren's and autoimmune disease and had constant hives for a year and had very expensive ($3000 if uninsured) shots monthly. See text
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When Rex was out of town, we had arranged for me to pick up my dresser, there was a large pile of unopened mail in the kitchen and mail and laundry scattered throughout house, some of it with my name on it. I collected it and organized the mail for him.
Concerned with the condition of the house, it appeared that he was not taking care of basic responsibilities like cleaning bathrooms and kitchen which were disgusting and hadn't opened mail since I moved out in August. See Text -
Shortly after Luke got his license, Luke took Lily and a friend to the Galleria without telling us. Rex and I had argument (in front of the kids) about our parenting and getting Life 360 so that we could make sure our kids were where they say they are. This is a turning point, Rex blatantly blows my concerns off in front of the kids.
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See texts
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Rex didn't follow our plan for the kids to have dinner with me for Mother's Day, I had told him that I would let the kids stay with him for brunch because that is what we had traditionally done with his mom. He took them to Shady's at 4:00 sabotaging my Mothers Day dinner and then told the kids I was mad at him and they came rushing over upset at me bc I was hurt by what their dad did.
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Lily complained that she was "seeing things"(later we found out she had done LSD) the walls were "shaking" and I make her anxious by asking her questions about her mental health.and basically all of the "parenting questions" "Where are you going? Are parents going to be there? etc. She said, "I want to be at dad's more because he doesn't ask me those questions! " Discussed therapists recommendation that he start asking questions.
See text -
Found used condoms in my trash, Rex was aware that Luke was sexually active and had found some before but didn't bother to tell me.
This happened to be the day I introduced Luke and Lily to my boyfriend Dan. -
Rex put Luke in charge of Lily when he went out of town. I had told him I didn't think it was a good idea for them to be without an adult...but he did it anyway bc it was his week. Lily snuck out at 3:00 AM, I was notified on Life 360. I went looking for her and found her at home with 4 kids, she said they went to the convenient store. Found out she was vaping and smoking.
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Got a text from Rex saying he has no hope and no one to tell. In response to telling him I had a boyfriend (shortly before this). I called him and he told me he did call Marty (the therapist) and had an appointment.
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Rex asked to discuss a "few things", after an angry outburst and accusations about the past, he acknowledged that he was in a bad place mentally. He said the talk was healing for him and it revolved around his feelings and how hard it has been for him and how it's been "hard on everyone to see him hurting"...still no acknowledgement that Lily is struggling and we need to focus on helping her...bc he's focussed on his own pain. see text
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My adult cousins (26-32 yrs. old) pulled me aside together and said that they were "very worried" about Lily after hanging out with her alcohol, drugs, impulsive/risky behavior. I told them I've been worried for a while and have no support from Rex, so I feel like my hands are tied as a parent to keep her safe and give her consequences. Asked them to please check on her because she might listen to them over me. My cousin Alec started reaching out to her regularly.
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Contacted Rex about Lily being really sick and heaving violently at 11:00 PM. I needed help making a medical decision, he wrote back saying he has different insurance and didn't know about an online system and then didn't respond to my questions until 1:20 AM after I had brought her to the ER and sent him the address. 4:30 AM texted him and no response until 7:20 AM...I thought maybe he would show up for his daughter in the ER
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I bought a house close to Lily's best friend Bridget (in hopes that she would want to be here more), her mom is also an involved mom who cares about Lily. I barely got approved for the house bc I'm self employed and didn't make enough money without including the child support, I wouldn't have been approved. During the last year I was in an apartment because I moved out instead of asking Rex to bc he doesn't deal with change well. while the housing prices were increasing rapidly.
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Lily opened up to her baseball coach that she didn't want to dress out bc of her arm being all cut up, the school called and Rex picked her up. When I arrived, she showed us ans it was really bad, she told us she had been "cutting" since 6th grade (she was in 9th) and showed us scars on her legs that she had hidden for years. This was shocking, she also admitted to suicidal thoughts that she had been having for a long time and hadn't shared either things with her counselor.
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We brought Lily to Seay Center in Plano to be assessed and she was admitted. I went home to get her psych meds and saw that she had crossed out Lily and written "Max", asked her when we were doing the intake if she wanted us to write Max instead of Lily and she said "No!" We told her we support her and would call her whatever she wants, we just want her to get better. Learned that she was going by Max in treatment
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Discovered Texts and pictures on Lily's phone "I'm so fucking high" from 10/20/21 when she had cut herself.
See texts -
Lily announced that she was going to go to a sleepover the next night with a bunch of people I didn't know for Halloween and that her dad had already said she could go. I called Rex on speaker phone because considering what had happened that week, I thought she was lying, but her did tell her yes! Lily was angry and got out of the car and started walking, Rex didn't understand why I'd be concerned, she just got out of INPATIENT for cutting and suicidality and she's binge drinking/getting high
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PHP is all day program with counseling and med. management, it was recommended by Seay Center and she said it was helpful.
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PHP drug tested Lily it came back positive for THC and Amphetamines.
Asking Rex again to discuss what we are doing with Lily and getting on the same page since he had told her she could sleep over at her friends and skip PHP after testing positive for drugs again. See texts -
Yay!
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Several texts to Rex to get on the same page with each other about the dog, concerns about her cutting and drug use, the importance of finding her a counselor ASAP. He reponded "I'll look into it tonight." but didn't get back to me.
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Lily said she was "addicted to cutting", Lily saying she wants to live with Rex, Concerned she isn't taking it seriously, Feeling like the bad guy again. No response to talking to me.
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Rex said, "I have no concerns" and sat with his arms crossed, seething during the entire session with no eye contact. Rex and Lily were angry with me because I would not agree to adopt the dog she brought home from PHP that I agreed to "help out" with for a week.
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Lily was stating that she wasn't going to do what is recommended because she "doesn't need it". I texted Rex stating that I think Lily needs to know we are on the same page about doing what the Dr. recommended which was a DBT program and got NO response. see text
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Rex finally responds "I am looking into it" in regards to the Dr. and finding her a counselor. And "he's having a hard time and angry about what happened" with us...still not addressing what is going on with Lily.
He doesn't end up finding one and I later had to set up appointment with Gearing Up because a month went by without him finding her a DBT program. -
Rex told me he gave her a drug test she failed for THC
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Rex said she failed for pot a couple of weeks ago, but hadn't told me.
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Lily left a note for me and cleaned out her room stating that she needed a break from me because I make her anxious and if I care about her mental health, I would give her a break. See Letter This is when the visitation schedule changed, before this we were doing one week on and one week off like the decree says. Luke came the next time without her. Rex and I agreed to let her have a break while the psychological testing was going on so it didn't make things worse.
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Asking Rex to talk to Lily about turning off her location at Rex's house because she is most likely sneaking out, skipping classes, (which we later found out) and going places she's not supposed to go.
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Lily has only been back at school for three weeks and she has been with her dad for two weeks straight, she is failing classes 20% Biology, 35% Spanish, 53% in Geometry
She didn't fail classes regularly before this. -
I set up her counseling intake appointments (because Rex had not done what he said he was going to do) and talked to her school counselor. see Text
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For the first time in this very difficult year Rex initiated a conversation about Lily and wants to talk about "getting on the same page" BECAUSE OF THE MONEY..not about how we can work together to coparent her like I've been reaching out to get on the same page about all year.
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Responded to Rex about "getting on the same page", giving Lily space while getting all of this testing done so we can get her the help she needs.
Also...Lily skipping class, dialated pupils and drug testing. See texts -
The adminstrator for the DBT group was contacting me about getting Rex to to the intake for the DBT parent group which is required for both parents, I reached out to Rex to remind him, he never signed up.
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Discovered a pot with burned sweatpants and asked Lily about it, she admitted to burning her friends pants because she didn't like her and she was angry. I called Rex and told him, he was not concerned at all.
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Wanted to talk to Rex about the results and talk to Lily about it, the results were quite upsetting (See Psychological assessment Dr. Little). She was missing assignments/failing classes, and admitted to smoking pot again, so Rex didn't drug test her, he told her he would wait until she could pass and told her when he would drug test her (rather than random drug testing as recommended).
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Asked Rex to hold Lily accountable to doing therapy at a minimum. He didn't sign up for DBT parent group and "couldn't talk" again.
He said "I'm not sure forcing her to go to your house is the right approach".
***See Text -
Rex announced "Lily is going to be at your house this week". I'm going to drop her off soon.
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I drug tested Lily and when she failed and I asked her for her phone she started freaking out, went into her brothers room and took his phone and started calling Rex, I had already texted him to come over but he said he was busy. She was screaming in my face "You left Dad when he was getting better" and I explained to her that he was really unstable and telling me he was "having crazy thoughts" and I couldn't leave them alone with him until he was safe. I brought her to her grandmas
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See email...We need to make sure Lily has supervision while you are gone. We need to "get on the same page and work together to help Lily make healthier choices"... He responded by text saying he'd pay more attention and his mom was going to stop by and have dinner but not spend the night!
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Forwarding notices to Lily and Rex about missing assignments and failing English
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Explained the Aggie Assurance to Rex and that Luke would be foolish to go to Collin College and transfer when this aid will not be offered to transfer students. He agreed to stop encouraging him to stay home and making him feel gulity & stressed about money.
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Learned that Lily had done LSD, binge drinking and smoking regularly in addition to vaping and pot.
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See text response:Rex still had not even talked to me about the blow up and psych results or what we were going to do in regards to failed drug tests/failing and skipping classes/screaming in my face and him handing her phone back to her
Requested to talk to her about what happened so we could set expectations and consequences. HE DIDN'T EVEN RESPOND...AGAIN! -
Explained to Rex that parents have to say no sometimes, he wrote back that "I don't care about his opinion" and "we parent differently"
I decided that it is pointless to try to respond and I will let the court decide what to do. My hands are tied and have been because of him blowing me off and not enforcing boundaries. -
Rex texted me to tell me he put our 10 year old family dog to sleep without any warning...he had me take her to the vet a few months earlier, but didn't bother to call or tell me ahead of time.
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I had already scheduled an update appointment with Dr. Shiekh to get his recommendations about how to handle Lily's substance abuse in light of the recent overdoses.
I asked him what his opinion is on how to handle the accusation that I reliquished her and he said that I have done the "opposite of reliquishing her" bc she wants me less involved in her life and I'm trying to keep her safe by asking her questions and monitoring her location etc. -
Asked multiple times to sit down together (over this week and over the past couple of months via text and email) with Lily to talk about a plan to help her.
He said "I'm not ignoring your texts, I'm just not ready to respond." see Text -
See Text...his response..."We'll talk tomorrow"... it did not happen.
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Discussed Luke's college, my concerns about him making him feel bad about money and discussed sitting down with Lily together...we still haven't discussed the assessment/ getting on the same page about boundaries/consequences and counseling/treatment.
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See Text...He responded about meeting at Twisted Root to discuss Luke's offer from college.
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Rex responded that she is going to my house and she's grounded for vaping at school. See email
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She passed her drug test
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Good weekend with Lily she painted birdbaths since she was grounded but still asked to go to friends house and was upset when I said no because she grounded for being suspended for vaping at school, "dad lets me go to friends house even when I'm grounded".
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We talked on the phone and he told me that Lily had tattooed herself and a friend and Rex was finally upset about something!
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We had a good weekend celebrating with my family and I was hopeful because she seemed more like herself, less angry.
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see text
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Lily didn't want to do the homework "diary cards" and wanted a different counselor. Talked to Rex about him finding the next counselor because she lied to the past counselors and he didn't have buy in on counseling, I thought she might have more buy in if he did and they picked one together.
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Luke's graduation we had a plan to get together as a family because my parents were in town and Rex picked the place and I made a reservation, then on the way to graduation I got a text from him that he wasn't coming. I was so upset for Luke it was hard to even enjoy his graduation
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Lily acting sketchy about her friend and her mom who were desperate staying in a hotel and I offered to help but she insisted on them going to stay at Rex's bc he was out of town...later found out the mom was giving them cigarette, pot and alcohol.
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Rex out of town. see text
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No answer...Rex said he would find Lily's next counselor because maybe she would have more buy in if it was coming from him (also maybe he would too).
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Rex found Lily a new counselor after two months without a counselor and brought her, she liked her, but the counselor later referred her after one session because she doesn't work with "substance abuse". He didn't tell me the reason for a couple of weeks. I then got her assessed for a substance abuse program and they recommended "family counseling".
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Got a text and call from Kristina Rodriguez that her daughters Life 360 places her at my house, she didn't know I was divorced, I had to call Lily and Rex to get them to answer the door and get Jordan to go back with her mom. See text Kristina Rodriguez
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See texts
Rex and Lily insisted that I come over with another drug test to retest after she tested positive for PCP. Second test came back negative.
Lily had been saying that she was "seeing things" and Rex said "she's been saying that for a long time" (but he's still not concerned). -
See Texts
Rex told her she could spend the night with a friend a week after she snuck out and had a friend sneak into the house.
"She's not perfect but she's doing pretty good" -
Rex out of town, see text
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Got a call from Jordan's mom, see texts from Kristina Rodriguez with pictures and videos of Lily at Lani's house with her mom there surrounded by vodka bottles, cigarettes, vapes, and a bong, looking drunk and high. In addition, she informed me that Lily was selling her ADD meds and she might have an STD bc she heard Lani has Herpes. See texts Kristina Rodriguez
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We wanted Luke to have a good experience moving in to college. We took separate cars, but we all went to move him in. We had planned to sit down with Lily together and have lunch before heading back home to discuss what we heard from Kristina Rodriguez, but Rex texted that he didn't want to at the last minute.
"Because it would be a long ride home" -
Found many messages on Lily's phone of concern...one her friend was leaving alcohol on the porch at Rex's house, another one she said "I think I'm an alcoholic" to my cousin Alec.
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See email
Wrote an email to Rex about what we need to do to start a discussion about working together to help Lily get motivated and have a better year and research about treatment...no response -
Appointment with Dr. Chandresekaran Lily told her the last time she drank was in her room while her dad was home when a friend dropped off alcohol for her and she denied selling her ADD meds, she said she "shared them" while they were partying. Dr. C told her it was very serious and threatened to call CPS on Rex if she hears anything like that again because it is neglect.
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Found vapes, cigarettes and tattoo equipt, see text
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I was hoping we were going to talk about how to help Lily..but no, he had me on the phone for an hour saying "You took advantage of me when I was broken" accusing me of all sorts of things that were not true, saying that he would like me to consider a modification of Spousal Maintenance the extended 3 years of $700 because he thinks it's unfair. I told him that our daughter is in crisis, we need to focus on helping her not talking about something that doesn't happen for 3 years!
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See Emails 8/29 and 8/31/22
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Lily drug test results, very high THC See email
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I would like to change the $700 from 3 years to 1
I responded again...let's get lily on a better track, it's only three weeks into the school year and she's failing 3 classes! See email -
Lily was getting a check up and during this appointment the Dr. ordered labs and noticed a drastic change in Lily's weight, she had been wearing very baggy clothes so I didn't notice, she had gone from 112 to 92 lbs.
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I sat down with Rex and Lily and brought a copy of the divorce decree and showed them that I have the right to make the decisions about her residence, school and health and that we tried it "their way" but it is CLEARLY not working, she's failing drug tests, binge drinking, failing classes, skipping classes, sneaking out and losing weight! It was the last straw for me!
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I dropped off a schedule to transition Lily back to every other week and a letter offering to take $200 each month of of his portion of Luke's tuition so he didn't feel taken advantage of, because I was having Dan move in with me. He didn't answer me and said he lost this and I forwarded it to him several times. I also put a sheet in about Parent Facilitator/Coordinators (Dr. Honey Scheff), see letter and calendars
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Very upsetting call that Lily's numbers are very low, she is considered malnourished. I texted Rex that it is serious and he needs to talk to the nurse..the nurse called me with lab results and said she was malnourished and if it didn't change drastically she would need to go to inpatient ERC
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Got a message that Lily is passing all of her classes!
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Rex still hadn't called to talk to the nurse. Lily arguing about the app that tracks her, she was with dad all weekend and turned it off again. See texts
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See text
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The new app I had showed that Lily was online at 2:00 AM on school nights regularly and had been complaining of being tired at school and unable to concentrate.
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Reached out to Rex to ask if he has scheduled counselor or parent facilitator. See text
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Asked Rex to talk again, and if he scheduled an appointment with a counselor or parent facilitator as promised and he had not and "couldn't talk" Sent Dr. Honey Scheff's contact info. 9/30/22 Text
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Lily didn't want t come because her dad had told her she could go to Plano Senior High Homecoming with her girlfriend Lani (the one who she got high and drunk with her and her mom regularly, we found out about last month)
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see text
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Dr. Sugarman saif she is improving weight up and numbers better but still Chronic Dehydration and Kidney function low creatine, "not out of the woods". Had conversation later in the week with Dr. asking if she thought she needed to go to substance abuse treatment and she said maybe if things don't improve with random drug testing, she suggested that I might need to look into wilderness program or therapeutic boarding school to get her away from these peers.
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see text
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See email
1.counseling/family counseling
2.Drug test plan
3. Driving school
4. Is she grounded? Consequences? His reply...we'll talk about it tomorrow...but never does bc he ca't talk the next day bc he's driving -
see texts
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see text
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see text
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He had written "That was a lot, we will talk tomorrow" and then never talked to me. His response to this was "Let's talk after Thanksgiving"
See email
Resent my offer to him that he said "he lost", regarding applying the $200 spousal Maintenance to the tuition he still owed. -
I gave up my week bc the kids were already planning on and looking forward to going out of town with his family.
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See email
counseling/drug test/driving school He hadn't paid any of Luke's tuition but I had been so focussed on Lily that it was on the backburner -
Lily said she needed to go home early to take care of dad.
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Rex said he didn't say that, but Lily said "I need to go home to take care of him".
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see text
12/2/22 I told Lily she could do Wed. - Sun, trying to give her choices, Rex said he would send her Wed. -
Rex texted and said Lili stayed home too depressed to go to school. I called him (and I called Lily to check on her). I reminded him that she needs a counselor, and he said he would call one, he talked to her about that.
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Texted Rex asking if he looked into counselor I gave him info. about in Sept. (and again in Nov. Dr. Honey Scheff) and I started looking into counselor that Dr. recommended but they are too far.
He responded "I did not"
See Text. -
See text and pics on 12/18/22
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See long text...I'm very frustrated with Rex's denial and lack of response and worried for Lily. We sat down with Lily together and told her what we found, Rex found stuff in her room.
She said she's not going to stop smoking and was angry with me. Rex said she was going to be grounded but didn't follow through. -
Lily only stayed for three days instead of the whole week because she was confused
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Met with Rex, he seemed open to reading the info. re:contract for Lily so she knows we are on the same page, asked again about whether he has found a counselor or reached out to the one I gave him or parent facilitator he said, "I haven't done it because I figured, you're the one who has the rights to chose that". He withheld mental health care to "punish me" for having exclusive right to make medical decisions. Then he said he didn't mean that, but he didn't get her a counselor.
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We had decided no sleepovers two weeks earlier when we found alcohol and THC vapes in her backpack and Rex thinks it's a good idea to let her sleep over on New Years Eve
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see text
Lied about where she was -
Rex met me and he said he never called the counselor he found because "she was old", Dr. Shiekh agreed to counselor her. I gave Rex the info. about Honey Scheff again and asked about a parent facilitator and he acted like he had never heard that before.
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Met with Lily in the car and decided on basic consequences and discussed it with Lily together, I was hopeful!
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see email
Sent typed contract to rex -
see text
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Sent rex a text re: Lily's failing classes and his lack of response to the contract
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Still hasn't responded or paid any tuition, or responded to the behavior contract for Lily that we had agreed to and I typed up.
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Emailed re: Luke's tuition and Lily's contract. Dr. appointments and dentist
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Lily was very upset about Jordan overdose and not knowing if she was ok.
She was supposed to stay with me but said, "I need to be home" bc she was so upset I didn't push back, she hasn't been back to spend the night at my house since. -
Rex was behind 4 months on Spousal Maint. and had not paid for any of Luke's tuition. I offered agaiin to him to deduct the spousal maintenance and he again needed to be reminded that I offered this in September.
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See text
$990 -
Rex calls me panicking that Lily isn't there and she left her phone, it was 8:30 AM, she had asked Xavier to get her an Uber, I had both Xavier's number and Kennedy's mom's which was where she had gone, I reached out to both of them and Lily came home.
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I was really surprised that Rex was actually doing what he said he would do after the last several years of reminding him over and over again...now I realize it was most likely due to the fact that his attorney told him to pay before her had me served.
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See Email
Rex had lat Lily spend the night at friend's house less than a week after she snuck out in an Uber from his house and he had told me he was "really going to follow through on consequences this time", according to the contract we had decided no sleepovers. He responded that she was upset because of a friend break up so he let her spend the night. -
We had a great time with family and reconnected, I was really hopeful
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I was really surprised he was Accusing me of "Relinquishing my daughter for 6 months" and asking for "full custody, child support and modified spousal maintenance"
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See email, requested that Rex drop her off for my week per decree and he responded that Lily doesn't want to go over there and she is at an age where she has a say"