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The English languages begins with the phrase "up yours, Ceasar"
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The Romans leave Britain and a lot of Germanic tribes start flooding in tribes such as the angles and the saxons.
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Chistian missionaries stole in, bringin with them leaflets about jumble sales and more latin.
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Christianity was a hit with the locals and made them much happy to take on funky news words from latin like "martyr", "bishop" and "font" along came the vikings with their action man words lke "drag", "ransack", "fast" and "die".
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William the conqueror invades England bringin new concepts from across the channel like the French language, the "Doomsday book" and the "duty.free Gauloise multipack French was rigueur for all official business, with words like "judge", "jury", evidence" and "justice, coming in and fiving John Grisham´s career a kick start.
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Latin was still used at nauseam in church, but the common man spoke English, able to communicate only by speaking more slowly and loudly until the others understoood him, words like "cow", "sheep" and "swine" come from the English-speaking farmers.
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The a la carte versions, "beef", "mutton" and "pork" come from the French- speaking tops, beginning a long-running trend for restaurants having completely indecipherable menus.
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William Shakespeare gave us handly words like "eyeball", "puppy dog", "anchovy" and more show-offy words like "dauntles", "besmirch" and "lacklustre". He cam up with the word "alligator". Soon after he ran out of things to rhyme with "crocodile". And a nation of tea drinkers finally took him to their hearts, when he invented the "habriob"
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The scientists suddenly became aware of the human body, coining new words like "cardiac", and "tonsil"
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The power be turned the world upside down with a lobour of love, a new translation of the Bible. A team of scribes with the wisdom of sullivan went the extra mile to make king James translation all things to all men.
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Science was discovering things faster than they could name them, words like "acid"(1626), "gravity" (1641), "electircity" (1646) and "pendulum" (1660) had to be invented just to stop their meetings turning into and endless game of charades.
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The scientists suddenly became aware of the human body, coining new words like "ovary"
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The Royal society was formed out of the invisible college after they (Robert Hooke, Robert Boyle and Isaac Newton) put it down somewhere and couldn´t find it again. At first they worked in latin after sitting throufh Newton´s story about the "pomum", falling to the "terra" from the "arbor" fot the umpteenth time, the bright sparks realised they all spoke English and they could transform our understanding of the universe much quicker, by talking in their own language.
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The scientists suddenly became aware of the human body, coining new words like "sternum"
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The invention of "vagina" made sex education classes a bit easier to follow.
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The invention of "penis" made sex education classes a bit easier to follow.
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America´s hunger for words, the Dutch came sharing "cookies"
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Was Dr. Johnson, whose dictionary of the English language took him nine years to write; meaning that even if you couldn´t read, it was still pretty useful if you wanted to reach a high shelf.
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America´s hunger for words, the Dutch came sharing "coleslaw"
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In India, there was something for everyone. Yoga to help you stay in shape while pretending to be spirirual.
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In Africa, they picked up words like "voodoo" (1871), and "zombie" kicking off the teen horror film.
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From Australia, English took the words "nugget" "boomerang" (1827) and "walkabout" (1828).
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The Germans arrived selling "pretzels"
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A new book was started that would become the Oxford Enclish Dictionary. It took another seventy years to be finished after the first editor resigned to be an archbishop, the seond died of TB adn the third was so boring that half his volunteers quit and one of them ended up in an asylum.
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The Italians arrive with their "pizza" (1935), "pasta" (1874) and their "mafia" (1875)
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American invented some words about the as technology and society developed like "freeways" (1930), "subways" (1893), "parking lots" (1924), "merger" (1926), "downsizing" (1986)...
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It´s continued to be revised ever since, proving the whole idea you can stop people making up words is complete snuffbumble.
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America spread a new language of capitalism, getting everyone worried about the break- even and the bottom line.
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The first email was sent.
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The only tiem someone set up a firewall it ended with a massive insurance claim and a huge plie of charred wallpaper. Conversations were gettting shorter than the average attentions span.
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The language has got so little to do with England these days it may well be time to stop calling things. If someone does think up a new name for it, it should probably be in chinese.